“I’ve always loved music. I can’t remember a time in my life that I haven’t been surrounded by it, comforted, saddened, or enthused by it. There’s something significant in the way the right song, or the right combination of lyrics and melody can change the way you feel or think about something. I listen to music everywhere I go; literally everywhere. People think I’m crazy. Well, I think they’re crazy. So, I guess it works out.”
Emily claims that she heard music before her mother’s voice. A little out there maybe, but she’s passionate, and who can blame her? As a singer, pianist, and guitarist, the girl has an ear for pure, untainted composition and the voice to match.
“There’s just this feeling I always get. I can’t really explain it. I don’t always feel the same thing, but it brings out any emotion I have deep inside. Sometimes I choose the songs I want to listen to because I think I know exactly what I want to hear and how it’s going to make me feel. But, I’m still surprised how songs I’ve heard over and over again make me feel something a little different each time I hear them. I think I know what to expect, what to feel or think, but I’m wrong every time. Sometimes I think I listen to music to understand how I feel instead of listening to music because of how I feel.”
When she was 16 years old, Emily was in the car with her mom on the way to the grocery store when another driver ran a red light, crashed into Emily’s car, and killed her mother on impact. Unable to understand the reasoning, unable to understand her own emotions, and devoid of any sense of happiness, logic, or will to continue, Emily turned to her music.
“I still remember the song that was playing on the radio when the accident happened. It’s stuck in my head like a really awful soundtrack that is so incredibly terrible, you can’t seem to shake it. The song was Flyleaf’s ‘All Around Me.’ I actually really liked the song when it first came out. Of course after the accident, I hated it. It was stuck in my head week after week. It just reminded me that she was gone and was never coming back. A couple months after the funeral I forced myself to sit down and actually listen to the song without any judgment or preconceptions. I cried, I smiled, laughed, screamed; I mean every possible outlet of emotions happened while I listened to that song, and I finally understood how I felt. I finally understood my life at that moment.”
The lyrics of “All Around Me” are so profound in association with her mother’s death. Everything about the song made sense and allowed everything else to make sense. Every word confirmed her mother’s death, every note pounded the reality into her heart and her head, yet each piece also confirmed her mother’s presence, liveliness, love, and the reality that she will never be wholly gone, separated, or dead.
“She lives in me. It might sound cheesy or cliche, but it’s true. She lives in my heart, my head, and in music. Whenever I listen to music, I think of her. I remember her. No matter how upset or depressed I may feel, when I listen to music, I always feel some kind of joy, knowing that she’s talking to me or yelling at me and reprimanding me through the song. When I listen to music…when I feel music, I feel her.”
Emily had bits of the lyrics to “All Around Me” tattooed on her left side:
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I’m alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing
Take my hand I give it to you
Now you own me all I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
Pen and Needle 